The Pierced Hands That Pierced My Heart

Six years ago I was really struggling physically. I wont go into all the details now, but I had a brain tumor that was causing my legs to ache extremely bad. As I was driving to work one day, I tasted something in my mouth. It tasted like grape juice; however, I didn’t eat or drink that morning. I thought it strange but dismissed it. I arrived at work, sat down at my desk, and tasted that same taste again. I felt there was something to this, so I began asking the Lord why this was happening. He replied, “Kendra, I want you to take communion every night, and declare over your body that it is healed by My blood.” Sure enough the leg pains began to go away. There have been countless times where I have had precious moments with the Lord in communion. However, recently it has gone even deeper.

It was a Wednesday night. The pastor had told us we were going to take communion, and encouraged us to behold the Lamb. I closed my eyes and held the elements in my hand, and I could see Him. He was in a line of what appeared to be a bank. I was in the line as well, but He was pretty far ahead of me. When I got to the desk, I went to pay for a debt, but they began to tell me how my debt was paid in full. For some reason, I was arguing with them exclaiming, “No, I have to pay for this debt!” Then I heard the Lord say, “Kendra, why are you trying to pay for the very thing My blood has covered?” It led me into a time of repentance of trying to punish myself when Jesus was already punished for me.

That weekend our church went to a lake house, and once again we had a time of communion. This time I saw myself sitting under the cross with a cup. I could see the blood droplets falling off Him and into my cup. My gut reaction to seeing those I love in pain is to run, and as I was sitting there with the cup full of blood that is exactly what I wanted to do. Then I heard Him say, “Drink of My blood, for it gives life.” For a minute I argued with Him. Drinking blood? The thought of it made my stomach turn, but I took the cup, and I drank.

A couple days later, during the Sunday service, I saw myself back under the cross, collecting His blood droplets in my cup. I took the cup, walked away, and dumped the blood on the ground. I didn’t believe it would help or heal me, and was searching for something else that would work. Seeing this really grieved me. How could I let that precious blood fall to the ground? I began to weep and weep. Repenting for wasting His precious blood. Repenting for looking to things of the world to try to heal me when He is the HEALER. I could not stop crying. For 3 hours I wept. I believe they were healing tears. Just as Jesus healed my physical leg pain, He was now healing my heart,ministering to broken places. The day I saw myself dump His blood, was the day that His pierced hands pierced my heart.

Deep shame and wounds were revealed as I continued taking communion. Another Wednesday night, I saw myself in a courtroom. The accuser had books as high as the ceiling of all my wrongs. Jesus was defending me, and placed a cup in front of me. I looked inside the cup and I could see words of my wrongs. Then I saw one drop of blood fall into the cup. The gavel hit, and the judge declared me innocent. I asked Jesus, “Where did that blood drop come from?” Then I saw Jesus on the cross, His eyes locked on me. He shed a bloody tear and it fell right into that cup of sins. He bore my grief. He bore my pain. That one bloody tear washed a lifetime of the guilt and shame.

Why am I sharing all of this? Because it is life changing! One gaze in the eyes of Jesus can heal deep, broken places. One look at Him on the cross can bring much healing and hope. Are you grieving? Are you wrestling with sin? Are you in pain? Look to Jesus! Behold the Lamb! For He changes everything!


Reflective Eyes

A few years ago a dear friend sat with me and said, “Kendra, I want you to ask the Lord to take you to a safe place.” Immediately, I got the picture of the little creek behind my house. I saw Jesus and I reclining on a large stump watching the water trickle down the rocks and listening to the small trees bend in the wind. It was peaceful, but most importantly it really did feel safe. I looked at Him, with a concerned look wondering what He’s going to say, but He didn’t say a word. He simply smiled at me. His smile was contagious, and His kindness pulled me in close.

There have been several invitations to this peaceful place. It has become my safe haven. Many times I’m just looking at Him as He is looking at me and we are just smiling at each other. As I’ve spent more time with Him in this place, I’ve discovered the beauty in His eyes. As I gaze into His eyes, I begin to see things differently. 

One day, I was looking into the eyes of Jesus and I saw myself. I was beautiful and free. I was dancing in a field and twirling around like a little girl. There was no heaviness, just pure joy and delight. But that’s not what I see when I look in the mirror.  My reflection in the glass shows hurt, pain, and flaws. It’s hard to look at from time to time. So why is He seeing something different? 

I don’t believe the Lord is looking over or ignoring the pain and hurt. He is well aware and deeply cares whether I feel that or not. He’s bringing healing in ways I cannot comprehend. When I look in His eyes and see the beauty, it’s because that’s who I am. He sees me as the very thing He created me to be: victorious, pure, holy, joyful, and free. He sees me for who I truly am. 

He’s challenged me to take what I see in His eyes and to let that be my mirror. His eyes reflect the truth. To be honest, this is something I’m growing in. I’m not here to say I have it altogether, because I  have a lot to learn. But I’m growing… I’m learning to gaze in His eyes when difficult situations come up. I’m learning to ask questions such as: ”Jesus, what are you seeing in this situation? How do you view this person? How do you see me? “ What I’ve found is that His eyes always reflect love, and He changes my perspective when I stare into His eyes. 

So I challenge you with what He’s challenged me with….Let the eyes of Jesus be your mirror. Allow Him to show you what He sees about you, your family, friends, and situations. Get face to face with Him, pull up close and take a look at His beautiful, love filled eyes. It will change your perspective. 

**This beautiful piece of art was created by Cierra Byron. Cierra is one who gazes into the eyes of Jesus and draws what she sees. In the picture, if you look into the eyes of Jesus you will see me as a little girl. As Ive looked into His eyes and seen little Kendra, the Lord has been speaking to me about child likeness and innocence. This piece has really ministered to my heart. I would encourage you to check out Cierra’s shop and contact her about purchasing a piece of art. Here is the link to her store:


Blooming Beloved

Driving into work, I was frantically searching for the nearest gas station. However, it wasn’t because my tank was empty. My head was full, and I needed to put my thoughts on paper. It seemed like miles passed by on the country roads before I spotted a Valero. Pulling up on the side of the gas station, my fingers could not type fast enough. “What is happening? I haven’t written like this in ages,” I thought to myself. The last word was written and for the first time in years, I was proud of my work. That Valero moment was a beginning of a journey.

The days that followed, I would pick up my pen and journal and just write. I found it to be extremely therapeutic in what seemed like a chaotic season of my life. You see, a week before the Valero moment, it seemed as if everything was falling apart. Many questions were going on inside of my head, “Am I experiencing a breakdown?” Gently and tenderly the Lord began to show me that it was not a breakdown but a breakthrough. “You are in a blooming season,” He told me. A blooming season? As I sat and thought about the process of a seed blooming into a flower, I could see how in fact that was true for my life. 

Writing filled my days. I had writings in the notes of my phone, on my laptop, some in my journal, and others on the back of random papers. I began to explore the idea of starting a blog, simply to categorize and organize them in one place for my own purpose. But what about the other people that are in a similar season? Could this be helpful for them? One day, I decided to go on a walk and once again questions began flooding my mind, “Lord, could I really write a blog?” His kind voice quickly responded, “Of course you can!” Nearing the end of the walk He dropped a name in my spirit: Blooming Beloved. It wasn’t just a name for a blog; it was what He was calling ME

Blooming Beloved is a place where I share my own blooming journey, and encourage others along the way. My prayer is that as you read these blog entries, that the Lord would bring hope, encouragement, and fresh insight to you. So sit back, relax, and join me on this journey as together we bloom into something beautiful.