Six years ago I was really struggling physically. I wont go into all the details now, but I had a brain tumor that was causing my legs to ache extremely bad. As I was driving to work one day, I tasted something in my mouth. It tasted like grape juice; however, I didn’t eat or drink that morning. I thought it strange but dismissed it. I arrived at work, sat down at my desk, and tasted that same taste again. I felt there was something to this, so I began asking the Lord why this was happening. He replied, “Kendra, I want you to take communion every night, and declare over your body that it is healed by My blood.” Sure enough the leg pains began to go away. There have been countless times where I have had precious moments with the Lord in communion. However, recently it has gone even deeper.
It was a Wednesday night. The pastor had told us we were going to take communion, and encouraged us to behold the Lamb. I closed my eyes and held the elements in my hand, and I could see Him. He was in a line of what appeared to be a bank. I was in the line as well, but He was pretty far ahead of me. When I got to the desk, I went to pay for a debt, but they began to tell me how my debt was paid in full. For some reason, I was arguing with them exclaiming, “No, I have to pay for this debt!” Then I heard the Lord say, “Kendra, why are you trying to pay for the very thing My blood has covered?” It led me into a time of repentance of trying to punish myself when Jesus was already punished for me.
That weekend our church went to a lake house, and once again we had a time of communion. This time I saw myself sitting under the cross with a cup. I could see the blood droplets falling off Him and into my cup. My gut reaction to seeing those I love in pain is to run, and as I was sitting there with the cup full of blood that is exactly what I wanted to do. Then I heard Him say, “Drink of My blood, for it gives life.” For a minute I argued with Him. Drinking blood? The thought of it made my stomach turn, but I took the cup, and I drank.
A couple days later, during the Sunday service, I saw myself back under the cross, collecting His blood droplets in my cup. I took the cup, walked away, and dumped the blood on the ground. I didn’t believe it would help or heal me, and was searching for something else that would work. Seeing this really grieved me. How could I let that precious blood fall to the ground? I began to weep and weep. Repenting for wasting His precious blood. Repenting for looking to things of the world to try to heal me when He is the HEALER. I could not stop crying. For 3 hours I wept. I believe they were healing tears. Just as Jesus healed my physical leg pain, He was now healing my heart,ministering to broken places. The day I saw myself dump His blood, was the day that His pierced hands pierced my heart.
Deep shame and wounds were revealed as I continued taking communion. Another Wednesday night, I saw myself in a courtroom. The accuser had books as high as the ceiling of all my wrongs. Jesus was defending me, and placed a cup in front of me. I looked inside the cup and I could see words of my wrongs. Then I saw one drop of blood fall into the cup. The gavel hit, and the judge declared me innocent. I asked Jesus, “Where did that blood drop come from?” Then I saw Jesus on the cross, His eyes locked on me. He shed a bloody tear and it fell right into that cup of sins. He bore my grief. He bore my pain. That one bloody tear washed a lifetime of the guilt and shame.
Why am I sharing all of this? Because it is life changing! One gaze in the eyes of Jesus can heal deep, broken places. One look at Him on the cross can bring much healing and hope. Are you grieving? Are you wrestling with sin? Are you in pain? Look to Jesus! Behold the Lamb! For He changes everything!
3 thoughts on “The Pierced Hands That Pierced My Heart”
Amen! Glory to God! This post is so wonderful. Turning our eyes to Jesus and His finished work on the cross really changes everything. He paid our debt. Jesus paid it all! Upper Room worship has a powerful rendition of that song.
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What a beautiful story! Keep sharing it!
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Thank you ❤